Oh my heart

This moment will forever hold a place in my heart. It was a long and emotionally draining day consumed with dealing with a difficult relationship; not discussed here due to irrelevance to this post. Constant worry, pain, and sadness bombarded my mind and I tried so hard to be strong and appear happy for my boys. I did not want them to see the pain I was feeling.

To distract myself, I decided to take the boys to the playground down by the lake. I let them run around, play games with the other kiddies, and skip rocks in the water while I stood “watching” them with a blank stare. My boys were thoroughly enjoying the moment and I was not; my mind would not ease up, my heart began to race, and I felt the anxiety coming on. I could not stop replaying everything that happened and everything that I could not change after the fact.

After the playground, we went for a long walk on the gravel path by the water’s edge until we reached the boat docks that extended into the water. We walked into the dock and looked at the ducks paddling by. I turned away to look at all the boats sitting peacefully out on the water. When I looked back at the boys I saw a sight I will NEVER forget. There they were, sitting side by side at the end of the dock. My oldest had his arm around his younger brother and they were both quietly admiring the water and the beautiful sunset in front of them.

At that moment, I stopped worrying and obsessing over the day. What I saw was so beautiful to my eyes. My boys loving each other, loving the colors of the sunset on the water, loving the moment. I stood there for a minute in awe of them. I took a deep breath and smiled. Nothing else mattered at that moment. Nothing.

I am blessed. I have my boys. Thank you God.



This is a list of everything that my precious little monster threw a fit over today:

– the smell coming from outside

– wanting to go to Mcdonalds when I suggested Wendy’s

– then wanting to go to Wendy’s when I suggested McDonald’s

– His brother was too close to him

– His brother was looking at him

– His brother was talking

– not being able to dump the juice just so he could play with the cap

– my presence

– then when I decided to walk away

– not being able to drive the car

– not having the little lines/ imprints a sock makes on his feet…. because His brother had them and he didn’t

– putting clothes on

– his car window was down

– his car window was up

– I looked at him

– putting him in his car seat ” too fast”

– the lunch I made

– walking with me

– not allowing him to run freely in the parking lot

– helping him when he asked for help

– I put the juice in the wrong cup

– not letting him mix his peaches with the string cheese and alphabet soup

– not letting him dump the sauce on the table so he could dip his fries in it

– not having ketchup readily available in the car

I’m sure I forgot to mention some. This is everyday…… Every single day😳.